I've struggled with relational OCD for my whole life, along with other forms of OCD. When most people think of OCD they think of cleanliness, hand washing, and being a “neat freak,” for me, OCD shows up as dynamics in close relationships. The way OCD works is having a thought (the obsession) and subsequently doing something that neutralizes the thought (the compulsion). My compulsion is reassurance-seeking, and I've done it a lot in my relationship with my partner, soon to be my spouse. It's not always reassurance-seeking like “do you want to be with me” - it can be “did that thing I said hurt your feelings” or “are you mad at me?” This song is about the frustration and guilt I feel about bringing the OCD into our relationship, and fissures and pain it has caused. This track gives voice to the panic I experience while in the throws of the OCD cycle, and the yearning for recovery. .. At the same time, this song is about caring for myself when I’m at my worst, especially when I’m mad at myself for not being able to heal quicker.”
Sasha Snoad, Lotion Princess
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